


Cocoa and Spies

by InArduisFidelis



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, The Amelia Project (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fake Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28087335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InArduisFidelis/pseuds/InArduisFidelis
Summary: Alex Rider is done.
Relationships: The Interviewer (The Amelia Project) & Alex Rider
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2020





	Cocoa and Spies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blue_Link13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Link13/gifts).



> I saw your prompt and got rather inspired. Happy Yuletide!

_A telephone rings. An answer phone clicks on._

_Congratulations. You’ve reached The Amelia Project. We won’t ask how you found us.This phone call isn’t happening. If you’re not serious about this, hang up. Now._

_You really want to do this? Is there anything binding you to your current life? If you hesitated, do not proceed._

_Still there? What you have heard is true. We are your escape route. But it’s a one way ticket. If you continue there’s no way back. The choice is yours._

_Good choice. A new life awaits. If we accept your case, you will hear back from us within the hour. If you do not hearback, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep._

_Beep._

_I’m done. I … I can’t do this anymore. I’ve given this country, this world, so much, but they just keep fucking me over. So I quit. I’m out. No more “teen spy” for them._

_There’s not much more I can say over the phone. It’s not secure. However, you are gonna want to hear this._

* * *

The Interviewer sat in his office, head bowed in contemplation. _Now, what would taste better, maltesers THEN cocoa or maltesers IN cocoa? Hmmmm, I think the latter might actually revolutionise the known world ..._

A faint knock can be heard. “Delivery for you,” Joey calls from down the hall.

“Well, butter my britches, that was quick!” exclaims The Interviewer. “I’ve only just ordered the cocoa. Show them in, Joey.” 

Joey ushers the delivery person into the office. As the office door closes, they remove their cap to reveal a fairly nondescript teenager with short fair hair. 

“Gimme!” said The Interviewer, hands outstretched and grasping towards the package that the teengaer holds. 

“Are you The Interviewer?” asks the teenager, keeping the package just slightly out of reach. 

The Interviewer nods eagerly. A short game of keep away ensues, with the teenager eventually relinquishing the box. The Interviewer excitedly tears open the box but is stunned to find not cocoa but a few weighted bags inside. “But … what happened to my cocoa?”

“I’m afraid I didn’t come here to deliver your cocoa. I’m your next client, Alex Rider. I just couldn’t be obvious when coming in here. You never know who might be watching.”

“Ah,” exclaims The Interviewer, tapping the side of his nose, “a paranoid one, are you?”

“Well, is it paranoia when they all are actually out to get you?”

The both contemplate this for a moment but are unable to come to any meaningful conclusion. The conversation moves on. 

“But tell me, how did you know about the cocoa? That really fooled me!”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “With the number of empty cocoa packets in your trash, it wasn’t a difficult guess. It only took a moment to grab an old box and make sure it was weighted well enough to fool a first glance.” 

The Interviewer pouts for a moment (he had gotten rather excited about testing the new batch of cocoa) before perking up again. “On that note, would you like to try some real cocoa? It’s specially ordered from Le Deux Margot.”

Alex nods. The Interviewer presses the intercom button. “Two cocoas please, Salvatore.”

Alex and The Interviewer sit in silence. In little time, Salvatore enters and presents them with two cocoas. They sip and savour the taste for a moment. 

“Ah, much better” cries The Interviewer, clasping his hands. “So, what can Amelia do for you?” 

Alex holds his gaze for a moment and then sighs. “I’m really at the end of the line here. I should have been dead many times over, but, somehow, here I am.” Alex chuckles harshly. “Such is the life of a spy, I guess.” 

The Interviewer appears rather excited at this. “Oooh, a teen spy? I loved James Bond when I was younger!” 

Alex grimaces at the thought. Since he started with MI6, he has not been able to enjoy James Bond movies in quite the same way. “Well, the truth is nowhere near that glamorous. No endless supply of money or women or anything like that. Instead, I was trained for the role practically since birth and then, when my uncle died, I was blackmailed into taking job after job for MI6. I have saved the world many times over but what it puts me through … it just never ends. Smithers, a … mentor of sorts, is basically the only one I can trust at this point, and he sent me to you.”

“Oh, Smithers!” cries The Interviewer. “Wonderful man. Met him while sorting out a client in Moldova. Impeccable taste in hot beverage.” 

Alex just stares for a moment before continuing. “I need to get out. I’ve tried it before but they just keep dragging back in. At this point, I don’t think I’ll be let go unless it’s in a body bag. The problem is that I have … upset a long list of terrorist groups and many intelligence agencies have far too much of a keen interest in me. I just, I don’t know what to do.”

The Interviewer steeples his hands. “Interesting.” 

“Interesting?” Alex wrinkles his nose. “You find my fucked up life interesting?” 

“Well, if I didn’t you would already be out the door. And really, I haven’t heard such an intriguing case in a long time. At Amelia we collect stories, and yours is certainly a good one. We’ll take the case!”

Alex sips his cocoa, blond hair falling over one eye. “So. What next?”

“This is the exciting part. How exactly would you like to disappear, young Alex?” 

Alex stills for a moment. “What really was the last straw were the rumours I heard about the CIA, and other agencies, trying to train up their own “teen spy extraordinaire”. Seems to have had a high fatality rate so far. They’re just kids. I’m tired and broken now but I don’t want anyone else to go through what I have.” For a moment, Alex looks far older than his age. “I want to expose what they have done, not just to me but to the others as well, in a way they will never be able to cover up.”

“Hmmm, a tricky one. But at Amelia, we can make even the impossible happen. How about … you are captured by a new terrorist organisation who is all "yay anarchy" so wants to bring down the government by exposing all of its skeletons. We can have you captured and held on live TV, streaming everywhere so that it can’t be halted. Joey and Salvatore play _excellent_ villains. They read through all those dirty secrets and then BAM, you’re dead. We can leave your body in some very public place, say on Downing Street or something. Except, of course, you are fine and are already on the other side of the world. How does that sound?” 

Alex just sits there, stunned. “You can … really do all that? These are multiple intelligence agencies AND global terrorist groups that you have to fool, not just some Joe Blogs from down the road.” 

“Of course we can! Amelia is the best of the best. I would love to give you some of our success stories. However, client confidentiality and all that jazz.” The Interviewer embellishes this statement with some jazz hands before continuing. “But trust me, you would recognise the names. Anyway, how would you like to reappear? A panda nanny in China perhaps? Oooooh, or what about a gross stunt tester over in the States? We haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“At this point, I … I just really need to rest, “ murmurs Alex. “Somewhere that people aren’t always demanding the impossible from me.”

“Well then. How about a caretaker on Maatsuyker Island, off Tasmania? No one around for miles. There’s even a lighthouse!”

Alex shrugs. “I guess. Anything is better than here.”

“Splendid! Now to celebrate. Champagne?” The Interviewer brandishes a bottle in Alex’s direction. “I know technically you shouldn’t but, with your history, I’m sure a bit of underage drinking is the least of your problems.” The Interviewer fills two glasses and, handing one to Alex, raises the other. “Cheers to a better life!”


End file.
